總評：作者把濃濃的思念融進在淡淡的文字里，當“時間在指尖滑過”時便傾瀉出一地的縹緲，正如作者所言的“我喜歡一個人的夏天一個人的狂歡”將厚重的情愫化作一聲心靈的獨白，傳遞着內心的情感震蕩。從整體看，該習作的心情描寫很細緻，節奏把握得比較到位。但作為老師，我建議作者把身心放在學習上，有這麼好的天分，是可以寫出更好的抒情詩的。
點評人：我是雨欣
to:筱默（200字）
分類：初三作文｜ 字數：200字｜ 編輯：pp958
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